Clarisse's Diary Sort of
by Acrzie
Summary: Ok, let's start this by saying THIS IS NOT A DIARY! Diaries are for little prissy Aphrodite girls to write about boys and other sissy things. This is a BATTLE LOG. You heard me, a battle log, for writing about killing things and revenge and my hatred of certain people. Rated T for mild language and possible violence?
1. Chapter 1

Ok, let's start this by saying THIS IS NOT A DIARY! Diaries are for little prissy Aphrodite girls (cough cough Drew cough, sorry anyone have a lozenge?) to write about boys and other sissy things. This is a BATTLE LOG. You heard me, a battle log, for writing about killing things and revenge and my hatred of certain people.

So today those stupid Stoll brothers decided it would be funny to prank the Ares cabin. Their idea? Paint the cabin FIRETRUCKING BARBIE PINK! How do I know what Barbie pink looks like? I had a Barbie when I was six. I set it on fire. So anyway the cabin is pink, so what do I do to those trolls? I whoop their butts! When I was done with them, Travis was hanging by his underpants from the Demeter cabin, while Connor was hanging from a tree. Well played I know.

So since this is a MOTHER FIRETRUCKING BATTLE LOG! I will log all of the things I battled/scared/traumatized/showed my Ares daughter kick butt side/made cry.

_Travis Stoll: 2 _

_Connor Stoll: 2_

_Training dummies: 17_

_A certain Percy Jackson: 1_

_Baby animals (squirrels and such): 5_

_Small children: 2_

I think that's it really. Pretty successful day if I do say so myself.


	2. Chapter 2

Today's battle log entry is to express my hatred of stuck up, snooty Aphrodite girls. So my cabin was one of the head teams for capture the flag and we got stuck with the Aphrodite cabin because the stupid Athena cabin got to choose first. So instead of sucking it up, that gods damned Drew comes up to me and started complaining! "OMG! Why does my cabin, like, always get picked last! Its totes not fair!" She whined. I wanted to punch her in the nose!

However, being a smart warrior like I am, I had a better idea. We had them guard the flag and the real guards (the Stolls) dropped water balloons on them! Ruining their precious hair! Take that Drew! That'll teach you to value something less materialistic and vain! Like me with my spear!

But some Aphrodite girls are tolerable. Like Silena. She's awesome. For some reason I don't hate her. It might be because she isn't as vain and actually tries to be warrior. Unlike her prissy sisters who only worry about gossiping about Percy. Gross, I know. Those poor airheads don't even know what a good looking guy looks like. I should start a research foundation, _The Airhead Project _for prissy girls to be educated to actually be useful. It would totally be a boot camp and the priss would be knocked out of them.

Crap! Forgot this is a Battle Log.

Things I have battled/terrified/emotionally scarred/annoyed/kicked the butt of with my FIRETRUCKING ARES WAR GOD AWESOMENESS!

Drew: 1

My siblings (arm wrestling): 6

Shrubs: 3

Training dummies: 10

Bugs: 7

Connor Stoll: 2

Travis Stoll: 1

Percy: 2

Annabeth: 1

Pile of dirty laundry: 2

Aphrodite girls doll: 4

I think that's about it really…. Successful day in my opinion. Wish I could have beat up Jackson more though…


	3. Chapter 3

Percy Jackson and Annabeth Chase are the two most disgusting people I have ever met. I went to the arena to kill some training dummies and there they are, sucking face. After yelling at them, they broke apart and glared, going to make out someplace else. I get that they are all lovey dovey (BARF!) but do they need to be so public?! It's repulsive.

So a minute later that Chris kid comes in. He's attractive I must admit. We talked and he made a couple jokes. I laughed at the funny ones and stared at him at the lame ones. After battling a couple training dummies he asked if I would spar with him. The guy was good. We were equally matched (I think I might have been better though) and I won. He smiled at me and I felt all awkward. Guys don't really notice me. To cover up my confusion, I punched him in the arm and then left to go kill some more dummies.

At dinner, I noticed he was staring. Since I'm not a "flirty" (ugh even the word sounds disgusting when I say it) kind of girl I nodded and went back to laughing with my siblings. A minute later, Chris was staring again. I got kind of freaked out.

After eating Silena came up and started babbling about how he liked me and how we should date. I laughed and said something like "In your dreams." She smiled and skipped away, obviously to be with Beckendorf.


	4. Chapter 4

Oh my gods. Children are horrible. They whine and cry, stink at fighting, are loud, smell and they aren't even that cute! I do not want children! If I ever get married (as if!) I will not have kids! NEVER EVER! Plus who would want to push a baby growing in your firetrucking uterus and then push it out for like 7 hours?! Not me!

There is no way in a million years I would ever let myself get pregnant. Even if it means having my period for every month for the rest of my life, so be it.

Well enough of this sappy child entry. Today I found a huge bug and my sister, Michelle squished it. You could see the guts and everything. Then we had the questions of: Do bugs have livers? Do they have a gastrointestinal system? If they have frequent heartburn do they take Prilisec or Nexium? Do they have houses like ours? Do they have Netflix? Are there demigod bugs? This is our train of thought. So while we are debating this, some Apollo kid comes up and looks disgusted. The look on her face was priceless. Thank the gods it wasn't an Athena kid because then they would start telling us all about insects and their mysterious ways.

BATTLE LOG:

Athena kids: 4 (one Annabeth)

Poseidon kid: 1 (wish Percy had a brother I could beat on too)

Connor Stoll: 1

Travis Stoll: 1

Training dummies: 9

Bugs: 2

Small animals: 1

Not a good day I must admit. I have had better.


	5. Chapter 5

Children of Ares are the best. Here's why. Not only are we superior in fighting ability (the whole reason Camp is here! It's not a place to apply makeup or grow flowers or prank people) we are also the strongest. The Athena cabin might make strategies but who carries them out? Ares Cabin. We are the ones who do all the real work so we should get all the glory. Should you get glory for sitting in a tent and drawing up little maps? No. Where's the danger in that? Oh no look out, you could poke yourself with that compass! Please.

The second best cabin is Hephaestus and that's because they are strong. But they are nowhere near the Ares cabin.

Third best is Zeus cuz they got lightning. Also nowhere near Ares.

Fourth is Hades because they can control the dead and manipulate them. Leagues behind Ares, however.

Fifth is Athena only for battle strategy, they are useless otherwise. So far behind Ares it's sad.

Sixth is Poseidon for the water thing. They have Prissy Jackson so that's a big disadvantage. The sea is so salty because it's the tears of children of Poseidon. Why do they cry? Because they are not Ares kids.

Seventh is Hermes because they steal things and are stealthy. They are stealthy because they have to hide from the Ares kids.

Eighth is Demeter. They grow flowers. HOLY FIRETRUCK! IT'S A PETUNIA! Not that scary.

Ninth is Artemis. She has no kids but she's a BAMF. Artemis would rank higher but she has no kids so I can't measure them. I also hate the huntresses.

Tenth is Apollo. Only because they annoy me with their poetry.

Eleventh is Hera. She's a female dog.

Twelfth is Aphrodite. They do nothing. Nothing at all.

BATTLE LOG:

Aphrodite kids: 2

Connor Stoll: 1

Travis Stoll: 2

Training dummies: 14

Small animals: 1


	6. Chapter 6

I am going to take this time to express my deep hatred for Percy Jackson. Boohoo for you rabid fangirls. I know he's the Hero of Olympus, leader of Camp Half Blood, Son of Poseidon yada-yada-yada. Big whoop. Need I remind you that I, CLARISSE slayed the firetrucking drakon! But I have no adoring fans! I AVENGED Silena's murder and no glory. No credit. People forgot about Clarisse Drakon Slayer!

I get the rep for being the bad guy but Prissy is worse! The little fiasco with the toilets? I was just trying to mess with him and show the guy that life is tough. Ares kids are tough but monsters are tougher. Suck it up and fight back. I wanted the guy to fight me! I wanted to see what he was made of but I just got toilet water sprayed in my face!

Especially on my quest to the Sea of Monsters, I was doing just fine till little Percy Jackson came along! I would have had the Cyclopes let me down for the wedding then I would have poked his eye with my spear. I would have told him that I crawled through a crack where the boulder didn't meet the cave and for him to come get me. He would move the boulder and I would run, grab the fleece and sail away. Boom plan worthy of an Athena seal of approval.

But Percy screwed it up! True I got the credit but I didn't impress my dad (he was pissed and probably will be for the rest of my life) and I didn't _feel_ the real glory! The feeling that comes from succeeding in a quest. I beg for YEARS (no lie) for a quest and when I finally get one Percy shows me up. And then he has the balls to try and be buddy buddy with me? No way in Hades!

During the quest to save Artemis, instead of sitting his butt down and going on with life, he gets the "I'm a hero and must inject myself in every quest" complex and goes along! Did they want him? NO! But he went.

Then during the Titan War he abandons us to fight Kronos! Sure it needed to be done and I somewhat respect Percy for killing him, but we were getting freaking whooped! He could have given us a little cyclone and then been off but _noooo_. Leave the demigods to fight like a thousand monsters that's cool too.

That's why I have and always will hate Percy Jackson.


	7. Chapter 7

Ok this one is to address everyone who thinks I'm dating Chris Rodriquez. I'M NOT! I am completely single and I don't even want to date anyone now! Especially Chris! I mean a boyfriend it too much work. I am so not dating Chris. **She's working on it. **ZIP IT STOLL!

Chris is a friend. Ok maybe more than a friend. He's tried flirting with me (hasn't ended well for him). Silena has tried butting in a few times but nope, not letting her enter my love life. **So you admit you and Chris have a little somethin'-somethin' going on? **NO! SHUT UP TRAVIS!

Ok. Those two left. I admit. I like him. Ugh, I feel so awkward even saying it! I'm supposed to kill monsters not ogle a certain son of Hermes! Silena thinks otherwise. Her idea is: date and train. Yeah nice try. Like having a relationship will work in this atmosphere.

Maybe she and Beckendorf worked. And Percy and Annabeth. And Travis and Katie. And Will and Nyssa. Ok maybe I'll talk to Chris later.

BATTLE LOG:

Travis Stoll: 2

Connor Stoll: 3

Training dummies: 9

Bugs: 3

Monsters in the woods: 4


	8. Chapter 8

Ok so let's clear something else up. Just because I am a daughter of Ares does not mean: A) I have no personal hygiene and B) I'm stupid and vicious.

I shower most every day (every 2 days if something pops up.) I brush my teeth twice a day and I do not fart and rate them on an Olympic scale. Just because I arm wrestle at the dinner table doesn't mean I'm sloppy. It means I know how to have fun.

Dyslexia and ADHD make me seem stupid to teachers and such people but the Apollo, Poseidon, Aphrodite and even Athena cabin have that to deal with. Apparently since my father is the god of war I don't think. Does that make sense? No it doesn't. I'm not vicious 24/7. We all have our moments, even Chiron is mean sometimes. All of the girls here are more vicious then I am when they are on their period.

Speaking of demigod girls on their periods. STAY AWAY. A girl with a sword, dagger, spear or bow and arrows when she is PMS-ing is a dangerous thing. Very dangerous. Percy reminded Annabeth that she needed to make a strategy for capture the flag and he almost ended up dead. Watch out.

I am naturally a bit worse. Considering my Ares side gets a little more dominant. I recall calling Travis "An ugly pig with no brains and the personality of a slug." Yeah. He cried. Then I kicked his butt for crying saying "I'll give you something to cry about!"

BATTLE LOG:

Training dummies: 19

Monsters in the woods: 2


	9. Chapter 9

The most annoying thing in the world is finding someone is eavesdropping in on your personal thoughts. I was just walking around talking to myself about Chris, quests, and such. I heard a laugh and turned to see Connor and Travis.

I told those punks to beat it before I did for them. Unfortunately for them, they didn't move quite fast enough and ended up on their backs in the sand groaning that they could never have children and that I "ended the Stoll blood line". Whatever.

Running to my cabin, I grabbed my Ipod and went running. That always calmed me down. I turned on Pink's "You and your hand" and started sprinting.

_SLAM! _I ran into something solid.

"Gods Clarisse!" Chris groaned.

"Oh my gods Chris!" I groaned back and held me sore head.

"You ran into me." He pointed out.

"You were in my way." I glared and ran away from him.

He ran after me and we jogged together. It was silent and awkward.

"Well I gotta go." He smiled a bit and then ran for his cabin. After our little incident I didn't blame him.

BATTLE LOG:

Connor Stoll: 1

Travis Stoll: 1

Chris: 1

Training dummies: 15

Shrubs: 2


	10. Chapter 10

Ok so before you have an Aphrodite girl fan girl attack. Remember _inhale, exhale. _Ok here's the news. Chris asked me to the fireworks. If you have any spaz attack to have I'll give you a minute…. Finished? Good.

Prissy Jackson broke my spear. THE FIRETRUCKING DUNCE! I'm going to kill him tomorrow when the Hephaestus kids fix it. He's so gonna die.

So anyway, these weird Roman kids came to our came. Frank something. He looks like a big awkward panda. Turns out he's our Roman brother. Awkward.

He was kinda intimidated by us. AS HE SHOULD BE! Turns out he can turn into a bear and other ferocious creatures. We accept this one as our own.

So we gave him a tour of the camp and he laughed at seeing the Aphrodite girls. Turns out the Venus girls are nothing like them. I met some daughter of Venus and she challenged me. I like these Roman kids. They have more ferocity.

We played capture the flag vs each other and we won! GREEKS FOR THE WIN! I'm sad to say that Piper girl got the flag. I wanted to be the one to cream the Romans. Anyway, Jason was all sad at that and Reyna (I like her too) was angry.

I let that Venus girl beat me so they wouldn't cause a war. I'm a saint I know. But I didn't give her that victory easily. Don't go thinking I'm a priss. YOU HEAR ME?!


	11. Chapter 11

**A/B: CONTEST! Whoever can come up with the best middle name for Clarisse can choose what I write about/have Clarisse rant about next chapter! If the name has meaning then include what it means! Contest closes November 5****th****.**

Chiron is making me clean up the plates after dinner. Why you ask? Because I started a food fight. 'Oh Clarisse is such an angel she would never do that!' you say. Not true. Stupid Drew pissed me off so I threw something at her. How did she piss me off? She called me a man and that she couldn't believe Chris would ever like someone as ugly and unfeminine as me. My solution? Throw a piece of olive pizza on her designer top. Cruel I know but I fight dirty.

So what does my idiot of a boyfriend- yes I said the B word, he asked me to be his girlfriend at the fireworks and I kindly accepted- do? He takes a piece of barbeque and throws it at Drew as well. I glare at him and Chris arrogantly shrugs.

The Hermes Cabin takes this innocent exchange of food as an invitation for a food fight and soon dinner is thrown across the Mess Hall. Eventually Chiron breaks it up and glares at Chris and I.

"Clarisse. Chris. Dish Duty."

Everyone goes "OHHHHH!" but my death stare shuts them up.

So Chris and I are stuck with dishes. We talk about Drew being a B word (no this B word isn't boyfriend), my dad, his dad, our siblings, fighting and then Chris brings _us _into the mix. We awkwardly talk about our new relationship status and I tell him how I feel. Totally unlike me I know. I tell him how I feel like he should find someone girly-er than me, nicer than me etc.

He touched my arm and I looked up. His exact words were "Why would I want a girly girl? I lov... like you." He blushed.

"What were you going to say?" I raise an eyebrow.

"You'd kill me for it."

"Spill it."

"No!"

Eventually with a few threats he said the 3 magic words. I love you. I almost ran. Love isn't for daughters of Ares! It's for daughters of Aphrodite!

I said the stupidest thing ever "I love you too." I turned red and tried to run but he grabbed my wrist. _Gods damnit he's strong. _I remember thinking. Then he kissed me.

Happy you romance depraved little twerps? Good cuz that's all you're getting out of me.


	12. Chapter 12

**A/N: Parts of this chapter were ideas taken from "Jenna Marbles" videos on Youtube. Just saying cuz it wouldn't be fair to take credit.**

My rant today is about stupid things girls do. First off is fawning over boys and slutting up for them. What does this accomplish? Really what? If you flash a guy your 'hidden regions' he's gonna like you for your… erm… assets.

Next is the 'goo hoarding'. I know many girls (especially Aphrodite ones) who have so much hair, face, lip etc. products that it's crazy! And it's all goo! Shampoo? Goo. Conditioner? Goo. Moisturizer? Goo. Lip gloss? Goo. And some of those products are like ¼ of the way finished and they get a new one! Like they all do the same thing! They get a shampoo that gets rid of frizz and they partially use that, then they get one that gets rid of frizz and is safe to use on color treated hair! What is this? And lip gloss! Oh this one is pink with gold sparkles? I have one that's pink with silver sparkles… I NEED THE GOLD ONE TOO! What?

Purses. What in the gods names do those accomplish? You need: phone, keys, ID, money. That's it. You don't need to bring all your makeup, snacks, water bottles, gum and other crap to go to the mall or something! And then there are different styles and sizes! Don't even get me started on 'seasonal purses'. Silena tried explaining how you use colors in summer and dark tones in fall. What?

Ugh, can't stand this stupid behavior.

**BATTLE LOG (CUZ I HAVEN'T DONE IT IN A WHILE!)**

**Stolls: 4**

**Prissy Jackson: 1**

**Training Dummies: 17**

**Bushes: 2**

**Televisions (after watching the outcome of the election): 1…**


	13. Chapter 13

**A/N: Congrats to CaraRein for winning the Clarisse-middle-name contest! YAY! Everybody clap! Yeah! Her choice of middle name will be revealed! Let's go on with the story!**

I will kill Percy Jackson. I will castrate him and then rip his fingernails off. That boy will suffer a fate worse than Tartarus. 'Why am I going to kill this hero?' You ask *cue the sobs of rabid fangirls*. Well that MOTHER FIRETRUCKER told the ENTIRE FIRETRUCKING camp my middle name! WHAT THE HADES?!

See my mom is French. Like really French. (can't you tell by my name 'Clarisse La Rue' that's straight up Firetrucking French). So when I was born my dad decided to be a d*** and give me the girliest middle name ever. Evangeline. What the Hades?! That's like the name of a French princess or like a Disney princess! In fact, I think that was the name of a FIRETRUCKING STAR in 'Princess and the Frog'. No lie. So I've always been pissed at my dad for picking Evangeline because hey, it sounds too feminine and froufy for me.

I pound anyone who tries to give me bull for my middle name. And since I'm a saint and don't want to beat up the entire population (wait… scratch that. I'd love that.) I don't tell it to people.

But today Prissy was snooping through my personal file at Camp and he found my middle name! Chiron keeps files on all campers, just to know birthdays, parents names, phone numbers, things like that. One of the things you have to fill out is your middle name. That's how Prissy found out. Apparently he was 'sorting through the files to help Chiron'. I'm calling Hellhound crap.

So what do I do to that troll? WHOOP HIS SORRY BEHIND! YEAH ARES STYLE! Speaking of Ares style, my sibling Michelle made up a dance called 'Ares Style'. It's kind of a play off of 'Gangnam Style'. Except the dance is basically beating people up. And you just change 'Gangnam Style' to 'Ares Style' and instead of "AAAAYYE! SEXY LADY!" It's "AAAAYE! GONNA DIE NOW!" We're funny in the Ares Cabin.

**BATTLE LOG!:**

Prissy: 11347238763428761287462198! (H*LL YEAH!)

Training dummy: 13

MOST SUCCESSFUL DAY EVER!


	14. Chapter 14

Here's a list of secrets I've never told anyone. I expect you punks to keep these on the down low? GOT IT?!

1) In 3rd grade I wore a dress to school picture day. (I got dirt all over it and got holes in it thirty minutes before the picture)

2) My nana hates me cuz she thinks I'm "too violent"

3) I wish I could trade places with someone normal

4) I had a crush on Chris two years before he turned evil

5) I think Piper's also annoying but I pretend to get along with her so as not to cause a scene

6) I'm a huge neat freak

7) My dad wishes I was a boy

8) When I was a baby my mom made me do beauty pageants… I will cut whoever tells this one. UNDERSTOOD?

9) I wish I was in the Mafia

10) My mom is loaded (in the $$$$ department)

11) I think Paris is the most beautiful place ever

12) I hate confined spaces

13) I want people to like me

14) I kicked a guy in Macy's for telling me I was pretty

15) My name basically means 'clear good news street' (Clarisse- clear, Evangeline-good news, La Rue- street)

16) My dad gave me a stuffed rabbit when he first met me (I was 6 people!) and I still have it

So those are some secret/ not so secret things about me. REMEMBER- KEEP YOUR FIRETRUCKING MOUTH CLOSED ABOUT THIS STUFF!

**BATTLE LOG:**

Prissy: 1

Connor: 1

Travis: 2

Training dummies: 14

Bushes: 1

Shrubs: 2


	15. Chapter 15

This is a serious rant. This rant is about how seriously F-ed up our society is. When people go and kill other people for fun, it disgusts me. I've killed evil demigods, evil titans, evil monsters etc. but did you see the keyword? EVIL. It was all to protect myself and the people I care about.

So I'd like to take some time to mention a few names of people I think we all need to remember: Charlotte Bacon, Daniel Barden, Rachel Davino, Olivia Engel, Josephine Gay, Ana M. Marquez-Greene, Dylan Hockley, Dawn Hockspring, Madeline F Hsu, Catherina V. Hubbard, Chase Kowalski, Jesse Lewis, James Mattioli, Grace McDonnell, Anne Marie Murphy, Emilie Parker, Jack Pinto, Noah Pozner, Caroline Previdi, Jessica Rekos, Avielle Richman, Lauren Russeau, Mary Sherlach, Victoria Soto, Benjamin Wheeler and Allison N. Wyatt.

I understand you're all probably fed up with hearing about this Sandy Hook Massacre. But I, Clarisse Drakon Slayer La Rue, needed to get my feelings out about it. For those of you who are still reading- remember those 26 names,and forget the name of the pathetic nobody who caused all this BS. Remember the hundreds of people effected directly, parents, grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins, siblings, neighbors, friends and the Newtown Community.

Sorry for this sad rant. I needed to let some steam out. If you see any wet blots on this piece of paper in my diary, remember this as the one day Clarrise Drakon Slayer cried.


	16. Chapter 16

Here are some Christmas Carols. To set the (belated) mood. PS- I don't own any of these songs. I just made up the better lyrics. Enjoy punks.

**_Bloody Spear- to the tune of 'Jingle Bells'_**

Dashing through the woods, with a shield strapped to my back,

I have to get away from a monster with an axe, oh crap crap crap.

I got to New York City and then I saw the sea,

That's when I got to Camp Half Blood and saw dumba$$ Percy

OHHHH Bloody Spear, Bloody Spear help me kill that brat

Oh what fun it is to kill people, especially Percy! OHHHH

Bloody Spear, Bloody Spear you never let me down,

The only thing you cannot do is punch off that dummy's frown!

**_Night of Pain- in the style of 'Oh Holy Night' _**

Oh Holy Crap, I think I see a Stoll now,

It is the night that those doofuses must die.

Short is their life, cuz I'm gonna stab them,

Cuz it is fun and they are stupid twerps.

A rush of joy, when I hear their bones snap,

For they're in pain, and I'm the cause again.

Kick them in the nuts, and hear their squeaks screams.

Oh Night of Pain! Oh Night, when the Stolls die.

Oh Night of FUN! Oh night, oh night of pain.

**_ And Lastly- my favorite. _**

**_ Clarisse the Boss- 'Do you Hear what I Hear?'_**

Said the Annabeth to the Percy boy 'Do you see Clarisse there? (Do you see Clarisse there?) Way up in the arena stupid boy. Do you see Clarisse there? (Do you see Clarisse there?) A boss, a boss, way awesome is she with skill as cool as her dad, with skill as cool as her dad.'

Said the Percy boy to the Grover guy 'Do you see Clarisse there? (Do you see Clarisse there?) Fighting that drakon, satyr bro. Do you see Clarisse there? (Do you see Clarisse there?) So cool, so cool I wish I was her, so I wouldn't be dumb and scrawny. So I wouldn't be dumb and scrawny.

Said the Grover guy to the Chiron man 'Do you see Clarisse there? (Do you see Clarisse there?) Being so cool that it's not fair. Do you see Clarisse there? (Do you see Clarisse there?) A spear, a spear, fighting with a spear. That's the coolest spear I've ever seen. That's the coolest spear I've ever seen.'

Said the Chiron man to the Campers lame 'Listen to what I say! (Listen to what I say!) Pray that you're cool just like Clarisse. Listen to what I say! (Listen to what I say!) Too cool, too cool she's too cool for you. You wish you were like her. You wish you were like her.'


	17. Chapter 17

This is a time when I'm going to tell you my top 10 favorite jokes. You will listen to my jokes and you will laugh. Got it punk?

1) Why did Sarah fall off the swing? She didn't have any arms. Knock knock. Who's there? Not Sarah.

2) So this guy asks a girl to prom. She says yes **(he probably asked her in a really mushy way with like a song or something. That's probably the only reason she said yes)** so he goes to get a tux. There's a long line so he waits. Then he goes to get a limo. There's a long line so he waits. Then he goes to get a corsage **(I always thought those were prissy)**. There's a long line so he waits. So they go to Prom. He goes to get punch and… there's no punch line.

3) Did you hear about the blonde in the helicopter crash? She turned the fan off **(I tell this one to Annabeth all the time. Her reaction ****_is _****the best part of the joke.)**

4) A pastor was visiting parishioners. At one house someone was home but didn't answer the door. He wrote 'Revelations 3:20' on a card and left it. The next day at Mass the card was returned with 'Genesis 3:10' on it. When the pastor saw it he laughed. Revelations 3:20 reads 'Behold I stand at the door and knock'. Genesis 3:10 reads 'I heard your voice in the garden and I was afraid, for I was naked'.

5) Tom, Dick and Harry stayed at a 600 story hotel. The elevator was not working. For the first 200 storied Tom would tell jokes. The next 200 stories, Dick would tell a happy story and the last 200 stories Harry would tell a sad story. 2 hours later Harry said 'Here's my sad story. I left the room key downstairs.'

6) A blonde went to her mailbox, opened it, glared and slammed it shut. Minutes later she did the same thing. This repeated for over four hours. Her neighbors asked if there was a problem to which she replied 'My stupid computer keeps telling me I've got mail!'

7) Little Johnny was smart, his teacher said if they could answer a question they could go home early. She asked 'Who said 'four score and seven years ago'?' before Johnny could raise his hand Sarah said 'Abraham Lincoln.' Sarah got to leave. Teacher then asked 'Who said 'I have a dream'?' again before Johnny could raise his hand Mary answered 'Martin Luther King Jr.' Mary got to leave. Johnny was angry and muttered 'I wish these stupid girls would just shut up!' Teacher turned 'Who said that?'. Johnny yelled 'Tiger Woods! Can I go now?'

8) Why do cannibals prefer readers to writers? Because writer's _cramp_ while reader's _digest_.

9) So a guy walks into a bar. Ouch. **(Comedic Gold if you ask me)**

10) Why is a bee's hair so sticky? He uses a honeycomb.

Those are my jokes. Laugh but not too much. See la punks!


End file.
